There were times I did actually clean my room on my own. I remember how amazing it felt to have it picked up and neat. I loved being able to find what I was looking for and having space to move when I was listening to music by myself. I loved the way things felt when everything had a container and a place that it belonged. It felt so good when it was that way, but I could never keep it that way. I didn’t realize then that I had to want to keep it clean and choose to keep it clean. Those had to happen first before I would actually keep up with the cleaning maintenance along with the living of my life.
At the time, I wasn’t willing to stay present for my life, so my room would dissolve back into the chaos of clutter. My movement would be restricted and confined to the paths that remained the only bare floor of carpet you could see. In retrospect, that was a reflection of how I felt inside. I was trapped in the confines of myself, and stuffed with unexpressed emotions. I held onto all kinds of things for all kinds of reasons. I suffered with intense attachments to things, people, and music to name a few. The clutter in my life was evidence of the defense system I had constructed around myself on so many levels.
At some point the loneliness and emptiness would become uncomfortable enough for me and I would clean it. Then gradually I would clutter it up again. The cycle would continue ad infinitum.
I’m not sure what the defining moment was, but something shifted in me. At some point I began to feel a tiny spark of a desire inside me to really live. That tiny desire, all by itself was enough to attract The Universe to conspire all forces to match my desire. The Universe, facilitating the fruition of my expansion caused a momentum to build over time, and that desire to live got bigger and bigger, expanding exponentially further and further.
The result of that expansion is that I truly understand and know that I am the master of my reality, that I make all my choices. I am responsible for the life that I live. That also means that I am the Divine Creator Of The Universe, God/Goddess, Source. I have the power to have, do and be anything I want.
For me, in accepting the eternalness of who I am, I consciously chose to be present for my life. That meant caring about all aspects of my life, and it started to matter to me that I had attachments to things and stuff, and that I procrastinated whenever I could. For me, learning to take care of my environment has been an ongoing, evolving process. I try a system I think of to see how it works and adjust whatever is necessary until it works the way I need it to. Moving frequently helped me reduce the amount of stuff I had down pretty quickly! The moving helped me learn to let go of stuff. I didn’t want to lug that “shit” with me, so I made rash decisions and threw lots of things out and left lots of things behind. I had a tendency to be impulsive at times.
There were times that I regretted the rashness, but overall, I don’t miss any of what I let go of. It weighed me down and was mostly unnecessary. Feeling detached from things freed space in my field for the shifting to continue. Every particle of my Being was being opened and transformed. I was finally walking on the earth in my shoes, present for my life.
I’m not minimalistic in my approach. I believe that you need to have a place for the things that you enjoy, so everything should be given a home. It is okay to have hobbies and interests that bring you happiness. You just need to know where to put "the stuff" of your hobbies when you are done with it! If it doesn’t have a home, that can lead to clutter, so it's a good idea to consider some other storage options.
I feel that life is about following your joy and looking for things that feel good. We were put here in these bodies to expand and be joyous, not to suffer.
Our experience of pain in life arises from our perceptions of the events as they unfold. Only we can see through our own eyes. Suffering happens because we refuse to accept our Divinity and the immortality of our soul.
Today I allow myself some latitude and I let my desk get a little messy during the day as I work. I clean it at the end of the day when I am done for the night. It always feels good to come into a clean and clear space in the morning to start working in. I only leave a few things on the floor in the closet for the day, and I pick them up by the end of the night. I have gotten a lot better about putting something back when I’m done using it. And I'm better at doing that thing that is right in front of me that needs to be tended to, but not always! There is no perfection and since we are eternal, we can never really be finished anyway! So relax! All of it really is a process of continual expansion of our capacity for joy! My capacity for presence in my life directly correlates to how much I still cling to. Today my life is joyous and wonderful. It continues to amaze me on a daily basis. I wake up with anticipation and excitement for what the Universe has in store for me instead of the dread and self-pity I used to wake up with. The better it gets, the better it gets! I wonder what’s next?!!!